Thats a quote from Conan in 2011's Conan the Barbarian, and it pretty much sums up the movie.
Not being a traditional "horror" movie in the sense of the term, I wasn't necessarily planning on reviewing Conan the Barbarian for the site, but due to several of you guys asking me to, I decided to go for it.
Conan the Barbarian, as most of you already know, is a remake of 1982's Conan the Barbarian starring the immortal Arnold Schwarzenegger. A lot of you have probably seen the original, so I am not going to go into detail comparing the differences in the two.
2011's Conan the Barbarian starts out with Conan's mother being stabbed on the battlefield, knowing that she will die, she tells Conan's father that she wants to see her baby before she dies. At this point, we see Conan's father cut Conan out of the mothers stomach and hand Conan to her. She holds Conan while she dies, thus, Conan is born on the battlefield.
Over the next few scenes, we see Conan at the age of probably 12 or so, he is sent out on a "test" with other kids in the village with the task of running around a mountain while keeping an egg unbroken in the mouth upon return. Shortly after departing, marauders appear to kill the kids in the woods. The other kids decide they need to go back, but Conan stands resilient and proceeds forward by himself. He ends up killing 4 or 5 marauders, cutting off their heads and returning, with said heads and an unbroken egg.
Conan spends time training with this dad, forging a sword, etc. when some bandits come into town wanting a piece of a mystical mask that the village has hidden (im not going to go into detail on the mask plot). Needless to say, Conan's father is killed by the actions of the lead bandit and his "partners in crime."
Next scene, we see Conan grown up, still searching for his father's murderers. He has gone from a dark, brooding kid to a cocky, chauvinistic, womanizing adult. He knows he is good and proudly displays it.
I'm not going to go much into the story more than that, you basically see Conan make his way toward the lead bandit and his sorcerer's daughter to get revenge, along the way killing off his cohorts. Might sound simple, and it is, but its a lot of fun.
I like the fact that Conan the Barbarian is mindless, guy-centered fun. Conan is awesome in the fact that all he wants to do is screw (for lack of a better term), kill, and party. He is extremely cocky and never turns down or away from a fight. He knows that he has the ability and proudly lets everyone know. One of my favorite scenes entails Conan in an arm wrestling competition with his friend. His friend is starting to win, so Conan spits beer (or ale or whatever) in his face, slams his hand down, winning and laughing. His friend punches him in the face, at which point Conan smiles, laughs, and says "I still won."
I thought all the effects were really well done. Acting was above par. Even Rose McGowan, whom I really don't usually like, was pretty decent here. I actually left the theater pretty pumped.
Don't go into this movie expecting deep, character driven drama or even a compelling storyline. Go into this movie expecting to have a lot of good, mindless fun. I loved it and hope to see many more of Conan's future adventures.
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